ENABLING - "The Outline"
Lay out the Rails. Shine.
I have decided what to begin with … then what?
If you have decided your starting goal and a tip or tool to work with, then it's time for some paper work. Write down your chosen B E M Y R A I L - Goal and starting tip. Also write down what is out of scope for your goal, so it is clear how you have narrowed it down. Describe what you need to do to make it happen. Define the outcome you expect from it. Skipping ahead a bit, the titles on your paper could be: B E M Y R A I L - Goal, Tip/Tool, My Necessary Actions, Expected Outcome, Out of Scope (what you are leaving out for now), Review date, Journal Notes, Lessons learned (for reviewing your work).
Question what it is you are actually expectiong to achieve. Ask yourself what a realistic outcome for you and your child is. Not what you hope for. What exactly do you expect from your actions? When? You should also set yourself a review date. Writing down and reviewing your goals will learn you to set better goals. Better goals means more successes. More successes means better self-esteem, satisfaction and control – for you and your child. Failures will work against your future tries. So don’t set yourselves up for failure!
8 successes on 10 tries
Listen to your gut and if it says you will succeed. Don’t undertake anything to begin with, where you don’t believe your child will succeed 8 times of 10. But at the same time, be open-minded to what a success is. If you want your child to button his jacket, a success can be anything starting with giving one button at least one try. Define Your own success! And celebrate it. Praise your kid!
Start on something already working!
This might seem like a crazy idea to you. Why would you want to start working on something that is not a problem? The answer is a slow and successful introduction.
You may have decided to write reusable schedules for Added structure & Sameness. But starting with a schedule for bedtime that happens to be a huge problem for you (and gets low scores on simplicity), would probably be a mistake. If you are new to schedules, you probably would like to practice on a simpler task… If your child is new to your schedules, so would probably he or she. So introduce the both of you to the schedule by starting with, for example, getting ready to go swimming, if this is something that seems to be working okay but would benefit from some clarity.
Review the progress, and decide what next. Use a preset review date in your calendar to see if your enabling is getting you were you hoped. If not, tweak, drop or put on hold for later.
Keep on track even when life comes in between your ambition, by making notes in a separate B E M Y R A I L S - Journal! Revisiting your notes will help you remember what you were trying to achieve and where your life got in the way. Get back on!